Having not touched this blog in eons, I stumbled back here recently and encountered an uncomfortable truth: many of my previous attempts at blogging were pretentious. On several occasions this blog functioned as a means of self-promotion and digital vanity. And it wasn't very honest. Some of the posts were honest and genuine, and I had fun writing a few of them. But overall I recall constantly wrestling with wearing a façade, of writing because I wanted to feel and sound intelligent. Blogging became a mirror in which to gaze and gain confidence that I was the sort of man I wanted to be, whether or not it was true.
Time has a way of altering our perspective on life, thankfully.
I think that, for whatever set of reasons, over the last few years I have become less enamored with myself. I am less smitten by the notion that I will impress others with profound ideas - I feel more confident that my ideas aren't very new or profound. And although I still find myself gazing, from time to time, at something I write as though it were the most brilliant piece of prose on the interwebs, the self-indulgence doesn't last long before I remember I am not nearly as amazing as my heroes, the actual literary, philosophical, and intellectual giants.
And as I looked around the whole of the blog I knew other things had to change, too. From the former title, to the description, to the background image, it all felt... kitsch, like a junior-high-ish attempt at self-branding, and the brand was wrong.
So I gutted it.
And in a moment of intuitive certainty I have retitled this blog "The Inquisitor's Desk". Why? Because that is actually an honest description of me and what I actually want to write about. I have so many interests, ideas, questions, and curiosities, and I want to express them without wearing a façade.
So, I may write here again. And for the first time really share here, contribute to the internet here, and allow the inquiries of my mind, heart, and hands, to be expressed here. Or, at least it feels as though I've thrown off the shackles of artifice and am free to return here simply as me.